and they all lived happily ever after




today i turn 30. thirty! wow.

five years ago, 30 was old. today, 25 is scary.

not even the smallest part of me would want to be 25 again. when i was 25, i didn't even know who i was. oh yes, that ol' cliche. worse though than not knowing who i was, was the fact that i had no idea that i didn't know. and that meant i wasn't even trying to figure it out.

today, at 30, i still haven't figured it out. i actually don't think the puzzle will ever be entirely 'figured'. i don't think it's meant to be. but i guess i feel as though the fact i am consciously (but not obsessively) seeking the answer means that i have become the driver of my own life, rather than simply a passenger. win.

camelshoes has played such an important role in that development.

this blog never started as an outlet for such personal thoughts. and i am still not quite sure how it evolved in that direction but the benefits of the process were amazing.

i have changed so much during camelshoes' three years. so much. to try to explain how: i wouldn't even know where to start. i think the best part about the transition though is that i am entirely still myself. i am just a better version of her.

but i don't think camelshoes is the place for further progress.

for some time now, i've not felt as drawn to contributing to this space as i used to. there was a time when it would be second nature to bash out my thoughts here. not all of the time, but certainly often enough that camelshoes became a place for me to, among so many other things, clear my head (even if the words weren't always particularly clear).

more and more i have found myself posting simply because i felt obliged and not because i had anything i really wanted to say. significantly, one of the reasons for this is that i actually started saying these things to people's faces.

the real conversations i have today (at 30) make me realise how many superficial conversations i used to have (at, say, 25). the irony is, the 30-years-old conversations are with the same people, for the most part, that the 25-years-old conversations were. we've just grown up. and i like it.

although it has fallen into the trap from time to time, camelshoes isn't an i-did-this-on-the-weekend kind of blog. i just can't imagine why anyone would care what i did on the weekend. except my mum. hi mum.

plus, i figure that rather than spend time writing about my antics, i should just embrace them. stop writing about it and do it. live without the analysis. oh, to live without the analysis!

so that's what i am going to do.

i guess what all that means is that this is my last post.

and i am not sad about that. because this place has been awesome to me. so thanks. thanks thanks thanks. thanks for reading. thanks for following. thanks for commenting. thanks for your support. except for barry, everyone who has stopped by (and especially those who've stayed) has contributed to the experience in a positive way.

so, in conclusion...

yeh, not really sure how to wrap three years into one neat little goodbye. chances are i'll change my mind and be back in a few months anyway. but, if not, i'll miss you. not just you the reader but you, the blog.

my blog.

my camelshoes.

much love,
kate

xox

hey fatty, love yourself

'tis not often i take photos of toilet walls...

...but it's not often i agree so strongly with both sides of an argument either.

at 29 i am still trying to shake that obsession with weight and body image. the idea that a six-year-old could have similar issues is scary.

but damn, kids are fat these days. and that's pretty scary too as far as i am concerned.

which side are you on?

brace face

so, i got braces. after about three years of umming and ahhing, i just bit the bullet and did it.

they've actually been on for about three months now.

it's taken this long to tell camelshoes because it's taken this long to come to terms with how i feel.

sounds very dramatic, doesn't it?

and it was a bit dramatic at first. actually, the blowfly sunglasses were on before i even left the orthodontist. operation hide my tears.

it was odd. on the way to the orthodontist i was feeling quite the opposite. i was excited, almost liberated, by the fact i had finally made the decision - such a big, expensive decision. 

getting the braces on was painful. seeing my new look in the mirror, more so.

i couldn't imagine enduring that pain - physical and emotional - for 12 to 18 months. like i said: dramatic.

the pain is now sporadic. it's rarely as painful as it was that first week and i've been able to find a way to appreciate the discomfort - it means movement after all, and that's the point.

the vanity? i wish it didn't matter to me. it does. and it will continue to do so. but it's getting better. again, it's about appreciating the discomfort. braces might not be a good look but the result will be.

plus, i am finding great new ways to pose for photos.

bad decision comes good

ever ended up pleased with a decision which originally filled you with regret?

i'm just a girl

today was international women's day (so i found out when i read the paper this morning).

as if to poke fun at the occasion, i spent two hours in a management meeting this afternoon with 13 colleagues, all men. no, i wasn't serving the coffee. but you could see why one's imagination might take them there.

i used to argue vehemently that i wasn't a feminist until a few years ago when someone whose opinion i respect probably more than anyone else's told me i was. i considered defending myself until his reasoning started to make complete sense.

i thought a feminist was a woman who burnt her bra, stomped her feet and refused to shave her underarms. in fact, a feminist is a woman who believes in gender equality. equal political, economic, and social rights, and equal opportunities. damn straight i am a feminist.

i'll admit, i probably do have a chip on my shoulder about this sometimes. but i am also happy to be passionate about things i believe in.

that said, i am not suggesting my meeting this afternoon should have looked differently. if those 13 men were each the best candidates for their respective positions (which, for the record, i believe they would have been) then that's the way it goes.

i do not believe in forced gender balance in the workplace. down with tokenism. who wants a job that way anyway?

i just think it's a shame the unbalanced ratio is so common. at least it has been in my experience.

so, what's my point? i don't really know. just thought it was interesting.

which way does the gender scale tip in your office?

do you care?

order restored

we're going to be okay. two and a half men has been cancelled. read about it here. or just celebrate with me. woooooo hoooooooooo!

bye bye, charlie

the final draft

"I am selfish and impatient and I make mistakes,

I am out of control and at times hard to handle.

"But if you can't handle me at my worst,

then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

this post has been sitting in my drafts folder for more than six months. and the words underneath the quote, the words which have now been replaced by these ones, have been second guessed and re-written so, so many times.

i knew what i wanted to write. i wanted to write a huge, resolute "fuck yeh!".

i fell in love with this quote the moment i saw it. i fell in love with it because it hit home. and i really just wanted to post it on camelshoes because it empowered me.

and then my mind "unpowered" me. it's good like that.

i started wondering whether words such as these are just an excuse. an excuse to settle for the current you when there's quite probably a much better version - if you only tried to unveil it. then i worried that if i posted this quote, and followed up with a (hopefully more articulate version of) "fuck yeh!", people - or, let's be honest, one person in particular - might think i wasn't going to bother trying to be the best version of myself.

bad choice. above all, this is a space where i should be true to me.

it is true though. 'accept (love) me for who i am' is one thing but being a complete twat and falling back on that reasoning is another.

still, i hate why i started thinking that way when all i came here to say was "i fucking love this quote!"

happy valentine's day no one!

so, it's v day. i like v day because there's a chance i'll get a present. and i like presents.

i am also a total sucker for romance. god knows i put too many lovely dovey pictures on camelshoes. look here's one.

and another

sucker or not, romance doesn't have to happen on february 14. the boy and i acknowledge v day - no point being cynical for the sake of it - but it's low key. i kind of think the grand gestures are more for new or soon-to-be couples.

that said, i'd like to send out a happy valentines day to you. i love you (for reading my blog).

to celebrate our love (well, just to laugh really), i'd like to share this. the end of a very funny ep of 30 rock (aren't they all). it's v day and liz lemon has arranged to have dental surgery so that she has an awesome excuse for not having a date rather than feel as though she has no one. of course, you need someone to take you home after dental surgery and, since it's v day, no one's free. shame. cue anesthetic side effects and the three dentals nurses suddenly look a lot like three ex boyfs.




laugh!

a 'private' ps for the boy: iku.

who's the dickhead now?

i wrote this post a while back. if you can't be bothered clicking through, it's the one about NRL footballer greg bird allegedly glassing his girlfriend. and the fact his girlfriend then stood by him.

it's also a really good example of someone being exceptionally judgemental.

i cringed i little when i read this last week. i had gone looking forward because a recent rendezvous, which i'll come back to in a mini, had made me think of these words.

firstly, it's so harsh. i think i was probably trying to be dramatic for effect but, no doubt, i also felt like the girlfriend was a dickhead for standing by her man.

two-and-a-bit years later, the epiphany arrives. dickhead or not, what's it got to do with me? what do i know about them and their relationship? why do i think it's okay to insult a complete stranger?

i met someone last week. someone who is in the public eye and who has been accused of questionable behaviour before. and, of course, i had an opinion of him (not far removed from the one i had of bird's bird).

he was lovely.

i also met his wife. the victim of said questionable behaviour. also lovely.

it's important to note, domestic violence is never, ever okay and i am in no way suggesting otherwise.

but what i am suggesting is that i don't know them. i don't know what goes on in their life. i don't know what did or didn't happen that night. so who am i to judge?

what i do know, now, is that they're lovely. so best our relationship is based on that observation. the only observation i can back up.

among others, the reason it's important (to me) to stop jumping to the easy conclusion, to stop judging where my opinion isn't necessary, is because it would upset me if people treated me, my friends or my relationships that way.

do unto others and all that jazz.

hallmark: you're out of the group.

cards are such a lovely gesture.

problem is, most of them are terrible. i've wasted unacceptable amounts of time in newsagents trying to find a suitable card for an upcoming event only to wonder time and time again: 'who the hell would buy that?' once, after failing to find anything near suitable for a friend's wedding, i turned the tables and tried to find the ugliest card ever. that game was much easier (and kind of fun)!

every now and then though, i strike gold. and i think: 'stock up. save yourself this frustration next time'. but i never do.

until now.

thanks to able and game for the super cute cards which i discovered at finders keepers markets in december. i didn't buy at the time because i was overwhelmed by the crowd and by choice. their etsy store though has since had a workout.

a couple of gems, for your perusal...

food glorious food

one of the reasons i've been blog absent of late is that i've been on holidays. the boy and i spent a week in melbourne. i used to be organised enough to schedule a post or two but not anymore it seems.

anyway, point of the trip (in addition to the simple yet important 'just because') was one, the australian open and two, the great ocean road.

more about that later. for now, i'd like to discuss food.

i love brunching. it's my favourite meal to share with friends. it's my favourite meal to enjoy alone. i'll usually brunch at least once each week and i've tested plenty of sydney spots. my favourite, although it's not an easy pick, is probably redfern's baffi and mo. try the eggs baffi, the hash stack, the baked eggs (the boy rarely orders anything else), the ricotta pancakes w lemon curd...you won't be sorry.

that said, and as much as i really do adore b&m, in three days melbourne served up two of the best brunches i've ever experienced. ever.

let's start in hawthorn. i was so excited to try porgie + mr jones because my beautiful friend georgie is, in fact, porgie. i was thrilled that when georgie and i caught up later i was able to wax lyrical without even a hint of embellishment.

the atmos, the style, the service, the menu and, oh so importantly, the coffee and the food: so impressive.

porgie had recommended the smashed avo or banana bread and, when i laid eyes on the menu, they were the exact items which appealed the most regardless of the advice.

sweet or savory? sweet or savory? first world problems.

decision = smashed avo w thyme buttered mushroom, marinated feta + torn basil on wholegrain toast. and yes, i added the poached egg (hush. i'm on holidays).

delish.

although i am sure i'd have felt the same about the toasted banana bread w maple syrup mascarpone, fresh banana, berry compote + crushed pistachio.

for the boy: folded scrambles w fresh herbs and holy goats cheese on wholegrain. more yum.

if you're in melbourne, get there.

also, get here. richmond hill cafe & larder.

for me it was the bircher muesli w strawberries, toasted almonds and richmond hill's vanilla bean yogurt. bircher's a pretty standard menu item and i've tried it in plenty of places. it's never tasted this good before.

the boy went for the baghdad eggs (w lemon, garlic, cumin and mint on grilled flatbread) and they were amazing. ah.maze.ing. i would have had food envy but i was too busy loving my muesli.

cheese lover that i am, we didn't really take advantage of the larder but the display did look spectacular. still, we were en route to the oz open and i don't think 500g of stilton would have survived a day in rod laver arena. next time.

and, on that note, i'm hungry.